Questioning Perserverance

Set your view. Focus your mind like an arrow. Release and cut through all obstacles... and pray that you do find your mark. Even if you don't there's no regrets.

Really?

What if you're no longer sure if what you've been striving for is what you want?

If you've got only a lifetime to climb 1 mountain, and you've climbed the wrong one...?
Compromise and make do with the scenery.

I think that's for most people out there.

But for me, I think the greater regret is trying too hard for the wrong thing, then not doing enough of the right thing. Maybe that's why I'm not gonna be particularly successful in my career, cos I lack the drive to carry myself... drives that are unquestioning.

I wonder why I try so hard sometimes.

Taking up a job that I never like, on blind belief that it'll be good for future career.
Sloughing to earn the 1st capital to start investing.
Passing out on social activities, by OT-ing on V-day and yet probably no one knows, again.
(I'm not exactly complaining about my job... or if it is, all jobs are "complain-able" to some extent. Perhaps just lacking faith in my future, looking at what I'm doing now.)

Sometimes, when I look at others, I wonder why things come so easily for them.

At the end of the day, I wonder who am I sacrificing for?
Who made all the hardships I suffer worth it?

Anyway, Happy V-day to anyone who's attached, or had their dreams came true.

I'm just so fed up. I didn't really have great weekends on a daily basis, and my weekdays sucks. Consist of work, and no friends at all. Back home, sometimes it's still more work in the form of household chores or watching the stocks for mom.

If I really die now, nothing much may change, except for weeping parents, and a few kind soul coming to visit my funeral for awhile. And probably my people from my religion. Which I don't really care for their presence, because they are there cos they want me for themselves... I meant inducting another person to share the same faith/belief. By them coming together to chant for me, what's happening is that they are affirming each other's belief and presences, feeling good for themselves. They would also want to believe they are doing something good, so they would feel good. But for me, it's a shackle. After all, only those from JT are "good friends", and friends anywhere else are out of necessity or other needs. I wonder. Uber brainwashing, or twisted advice from someone lost. I shall not mention who gave that advice, for it probably don't matter anyway after i'm dead... and i'm not doing anything about when i'm alive anyway.

Anyway, i'm just fed up and i'm just hear to rant to no one. Haha! Poor me!

It's really not that hard of attachment to this world. I don't have any to began with, and i'll probably have a problem trying to find one if i really am to die any moment. What's the big deal about being dead? I'm dead before i'm dead anyway.

It's just pretty tiring to hold expectations for people. Sometimes, it's unavoidable that one has to put one's warm face into someone's cold butt. Figure of speech by the way.

And it's not possible to clarify if the other person/people have any misunderstanding of ourselves. How else do we know what's wrong? Or perhaps we should learn to stop pleasing others. But if so, it would means having to tolerate certain things for years before someone decides to make a move... out of this relationship. Be it working relationship or love, or etc.

"If there's no nerves, there's no pain"

Perhaps I should learn to be less sensitive to some things. Ignorance (not innocence) can be bliss.

But still, I wonder what could be left of my humanity after a decade or less.

Too Much Nerves?

Nerves are "cables" that transmit electrochemical impulses. Without them, one does not feel pain. Which is also why you do not feel pain when your hair got cut. It helps warn the body of any danger, and teaches us to avoid them.

But there are times where it's best not to have too much nerves, or risk being "hurt" too easily. Can it be helped? Some people are born with more nerves than others. Or should we sever our own nerves, like almost every other people anyway? It's like how circumcising is celebrated process to mark one's adulthood. Sounds crude, but that's how it is.

Anyway, what is "adulthood"? One who obeys the social norm of what an adult is, or one who questions the rational of the society's definition of adult?

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm actually being immature, given my frank nature and reluctant to "cut my nerves", like some of my peers by this age. And I ask myself, why should "mature" be defined this way? No one wants to find an answer to that. People are contend to surrender to the greater force of the society without rethinking our values.

If I had to have my own definition of "mature", it would be that of "being more responsible". But it doesn't mean one should not attempt to find a compromising ground between responsibility and personal interest. It might even be possible to have both.

Anyway, it's just a really random ranting. I should just get back to being an "adult" and stop thinking too much about what I've "no control" over.

What do people know? If they are in agony, there's at least a ear and a shoulder, perhaps from their family/friends/partner. Point aside, sometimes it's easier to just make some simple comment and drop the issue, rather than expecting others to understand that they are more fortunate than yourself.

Words and Meanings

There's no point in speaking my mind. Words are just mere words, only meaningful to the one who understood them from the perspective of the speaker. If the listener has a completely different background, how can I expect the same degree of understanding of the words I've speak from him/her? And how can the listener forces their opinions upon me?