I had a rather nice Christmas Eve this year. I'm pretty proud of the salad I've made. I had to experiment doing it like 2 days before Christmas Eve. Glad everyone likes it at the Christmas Eve Potluck gathering with my small group of friends. I've gotten pretty much the best present I could have chosen during the present exchange: A box of chocolate. I would have gladly shared them at the party, since a number of my friends returned to the Singles' Club.
Christmas is over, and now I feel poorer than before. Sigh. Thankfully, no gambling was involved this year.
Juz tried to start watching an anime last night (though i really need to start studying instead!): Fullmetal Alchemist. There was one episode that was quite disturbing. A father, in order to continue being a State Alchemist, performed fusion between his only daughter and their family dog, to create a Chimera that could understand human language... And previously, people thought that his wife was long dead. It was revealed that the 1st work that earned him the status of State Alchemist was none other than the chimera fusion of his wife and a dog, which only said once that it wanted to die, then gradually died as a result of refusing to eat.
Last night, I also got myself into a debate with a facebook friend from... Indonesia? We were discussing about a phrase:
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory - Friedrich Engels
And of course, all the sociological stuffs starts to flood my mind. I'm supposed to have disposed them since months ago! Oh well. Anyway, I was ranting about my displeasure of the education system in general. I'll save the details here. But at the end of the debate, it was nice to knowing 2 foreign intellectuals from Indonesia and Canada.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Murphy's Law
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
I'm drowning myself in the "divine sorrow" of Damien Rice's rendition of "Hallelujah", alone in this dark room of mine. It's healthier than going for a drink. The night feels long. I'm going to "enjoy" this.
I'm drowning myself in the "divine sorrow" of Damien Rice's rendition of "Hallelujah", alone in this dark room of mine. It's healthier than going for a drink. The night feels long. I'm going to "enjoy" this.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Of 0s, 1s and 9s
There are some people in this world, who try as they might, still remain insignificant.
Consider the case of 0.4. Everyone seems to start off as this number. Round it off to the nearest whole number, it's 0.
Some people tried hard, to change themselves, for the sake of themselves and others. Celebrated cases typically gets "broadcasted"/"idolised". They've become 0.5 or greater, which rounds them of to 1. But the less known, yet more common scenerio is when people ended up adding more 9s behind their decimal. 0.49. 0.499. 0.4999. 0.49999. Whatever they do, they still end up as 0 when rounded up to nearest whole number.
Perhaps in that case, by adding 1 more person to your life, only will your existence be significant; A significance shared by 2 person; Finding the other half.
Living in this big universe, people end up feeling small and insignificant. Perhaps that's why people get together. At the end of the long equations of life, I wonder what number will I end up as. Or perhaps, it's more important that we accept who we are, so that we are internally whole?
(Perceived self value / "Real" self value = 0.4 / 0.4 = 1)
On this note, here's 1 of my fav song that cross my mind at this point of time:
The Scientist - Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Consider the case of 0.4. Everyone seems to start off as this number. Round it off to the nearest whole number, it's 0.
Some people tried hard, to change themselves, for the sake of themselves and others. Celebrated cases typically gets "broadcasted"/"idolised". They've become 0.5 or greater, which rounds them of to 1. But the less known, yet more common scenerio is when people ended up adding more 9s behind their decimal. 0.49. 0.499. 0.4999. 0.49999. Whatever they do, they still end up as 0 when rounded up to nearest whole number.
Perhaps in that case, by adding 1 more person to your life, only will your existence be significant; A significance shared by 2 person; Finding the other half.
Living in this big universe, people end up feeling small and insignificant. Perhaps that's why people get together. At the end of the long equations of life, I wonder what number will I end up as. Or perhaps, it's more important that we accept who we are, so that we are internally whole?
(Perceived self value / "Real" self value = 0.4 / 0.4 = 1)
On this note, here's 1 of my fav song that cross my mind at this point of time:
The Scientist - Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Sunday, December 6, 2009
For Better, For Worse
I finally get on with what I've been wanting to add to this blog: Music. Self-recorded version, if I might "proudly" say so. Still trying to improve my singing. There's like plenty of flaws. So whoever visits my blog, please bear with my horrendous singing until I somehow fix it someday.
Had a talk with a close friend this afternoon. Was actually advised by him that I should meet up with whoever I was talking about on my blog for the past few days. To clear things up, for better or for worse. Sounds like a good idea actually, though i need more time to be mentally prepared for the worst. I'm not very level-headed when it comes to this.
Had a talk with a close friend this afternoon. Was actually advised by him that I should meet up with whoever I was talking about on my blog for the past few days. To clear things up, for better or for worse. Sounds like a good idea actually, though i need more time to be mentally prepared for the worst. I'm not very level-headed when it comes to this.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Drinking
Today's the last day of reservice. It rained heavily. Close friends would know what's the implications.
In the evening, there's some kinda cohesion event going on with all reservice platoons. There were some rather... insignificant prizes to be won, and beer. Really diluted Tiger Beer. There's no aftertaste of malt. Only bitter water that bites the throat. I expected better drinks. I'm not a frequent drinker, but I drink only when I need to.
True. Many might argue over what's the purposes of drinking. It doesn't taste good. People tends to cause trouble or become a nuisance when they overdrink. It's not good for the liver.
... But, it offers courage when needed, or reduce sobriety when there's no need for them. Drinking doesn't solve problems, but when being too sober doesn't solve problems either, at least it knocks you out of the pain for that night. And hopefully... just hopefully... things will get better tomorrow. It's like... panadol. Actually it's better than it since panadol actually resides in your system for many weeks, while alcohol is flush out of your system completely in a day or 2, save for any burns to the liver and stomach.
What am I to do with the sober me now?
This song, is me now:
A Bitter Song by Butterfly Boucher
All I need is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
All I need to write is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
It found me to hold me
But I don't like it at all
Won't feed it,
Won't grow it
It's folded in my stomach;
It's not fair,
I found love;
It made me say that.
Get back,
You'll never see daylight;
If I'm not strong it just might.
All I need is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
All I need to write is a bitter song
To make me better
I feel better
I feel better
In the evening, there's some kinda cohesion event going on with all reservice platoons. There were some rather... insignificant prizes to be won, and beer. Really diluted Tiger Beer. There's no aftertaste of malt. Only bitter water that bites the throat. I expected better drinks. I'm not a frequent drinker, but I drink only when I need to.
True. Many might argue over what's the purposes of drinking. It doesn't taste good. People tends to cause trouble or become a nuisance when they overdrink. It's not good for the liver.
... But, it offers courage when needed, or reduce sobriety when there's no need for them. Drinking doesn't solve problems, but when being too sober doesn't solve problems either, at least it knocks you out of the pain for that night. And hopefully... just hopefully... things will get better tomorrow. It's like... panadol. Actually it's better than it since panadol actually resides in your system for many weeks, while alcohol is flush out of your system completely in a day or 2, save for any burns to the liver and stomach.
What am I to do with the sober me now?
This song, is me now:
A Bitter Song by Butterfly Boucher
All I need is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
All I need to write is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
It found me to hold me
But I don't like it at all
Won't feed it,
Won't grow it
It's folded in my stomach;
It's not fair,
I found love;
It made me say that.
Get back,
You'll never see daylight;
If I'm not strong it just might.
All I need is a bitter song
To make me better
Much better
All I need to write is a bitter song
To make me better
I feel better
I feel better
Song Choices
I think I've decided. I'll use the song 遺憾 by 方炯鑌, or 星星 by At17 for the Impresario audition next wed. Didn't think I'm doing a good rendition of any of them, but I wanna see how far can I go by feeling for the song alone. Especially when the lyrics are very relevant to what I'm going through these days...
Btw, I've a chatterbox on the left of my blog, in case anyone wants to leave their names or make any comments.
Btw, I've a chatterbox on the left of my blog, in case anyone wants to leave their names or make any comments.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Conclusion
It wasn't so bad after all. My wildest dream didn't came true, but at least i didn't return empty-handed. Gained a cousin, especially one that can help me out with my POA. LOL! I think I'm surprising myself right now for being so positive. Maybe it's cos i'm already prepared for the worst and yet things doesn't go as bad as I thought would. Then again, I never intended for a confession to take place.
Anyway, things were rather insightful this time round. Had some rather unexpected heart-to-heart talk between guys, or at least with 2 buddies who's with me through this reservice. Everyone else has their surprising little confessions to make too. The 2 of them have rather extreme experiences too. I guess everyone has their troubles. One of them heard my story, and told me that I should be living a life for myself. I appreciate, but i didn't want to be irresponsible or unfilial. I'll always be stuck between being lonely, irresponsible or unfilial. I'll never be able to pursue love as long as i'm stuck in this 3-ways dilemma. I gave up someone before because of this reason. I'm not ready to start a new relationship again if this dilemma is coming back to haunt me again.
Enough about my troubles. I think I need to take a break. It's pretty tiring lugging home those thrash that I've brought to camp this time. Think I might attempt to crash 9 hrs of classes in a row 2molo. Better catch some sleep.
PS: I'm curious who's that one person who has been following my blog since the rather sensitive entry on the 28th...
Anyway, things were rather insightful this time round. Had some rather unexpected heart-to-heart talk between guys, or at least with 2 buddies who's with me through this reservice. Everyone else has their surprising little confessions to make too. The 2 of them have rather extreme experiences too. I guess everyone has their troubles. One of them heard my story, and told me that I should be living a life for myself. I appreciate, but i didn't want to be irresponsible or unfilial. I'll always be stuck between being lonely, irresponsible or unfilial. I'll never be able to pursue love as long as i'm stuck in this 3-ways dilemma. I gave up someone before because of this reason. I'm not ready to start a new relationship again if this dilemma is coming back to haunt me again.
Enough about my troubles. I think I need to take a break. It's pretty tiring lugging home those thrash that I've brought to camp this time. Think I might attempt to crash 9 hrs of classes in a row 2molo. Better catch some sleep.
PS: I'm curious who's that one person who has been following my blog since the rather sensitive entry on the 28th...
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Hallelujah
A deceiving title that makes it sounds as though it's some praise to the Christian God. Carefully reading the title reveals otherwise. No insults intended in the lyrics, but more like a lamentation to the praise term "Hallelujah". Almost always listen to this song at night in front of the com, and rest my head on the desk, when i'm having a bad day.
Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .
Baby i've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Well, maybe there's a god above
But all i've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
It's hard to praise anything above your head, when fate makes you a prime number; an unbreakable cold prison of solitude; a weapon that needs to be locked up in some forgotten dungeon so it can't harm anyone.
Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .
Baby i've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Well, maybe there's a god above
But all i've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....
It's hard to praise anything above your head, when fate makes you a prime number; an unbreakable cold prison of solitude; a weapon that needs to be locked up in some forgotten dungeon so it can't harm anyone.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Songs
I'm going to think aloud for this entry... as a disclaimer to any consequences from someone mentioned here, whom I think might read this entry.
Ready? Here goes.
How often is it that songs accurately describe your current situation? That's why I'm into music. It's more than juz a couple of nicely put together words and tunes to give pleasure. It is meaningful, and at times, incredibly emphatic. It's like a painting; It speaks a thousand words, beyond the lyrics itself.
There's a song that describe my scenario right now. I haven't been paying close attention to it's lyrics, until lately. Yep. The MTV oso pretty much reflects mostly wad's going on.
張智成 - 暗戀
我們就站在落地窗的兩邊
就算觸碰也有了界限
如果跨越過彼此那道邊界
是靠近還是更遙遠
Kept telling myself not to stare, but eventually find my eyes kept coming back. Kept telling myself to maintain a reasonable distance, but somehow we get more and more stuck together with each day. Much as I'll like to confess the truth, but i know that both of us are actually relying on this rather grey area to avoid having to come to a clean conclusion, so that things will maintain as comfortable as it is now. As like the chorus of the song above: "如果跨越過彼此那道邊界, 是靠近還是更遙遠". We will lose something either way, if we ever decide to talk about it. And I dun think that it's a great idea for me to be a couple breaker...
I was introduced this song by this person too:
AT17 - 星星
为什么没有星星的夜晚
你总不在我身旁
为什么满天星星的夜晚
你就告诉我你不想
留在那里
噢...一分半秒
噢...告诉我你不再爱我有多难
说 说你不爱我
我不会把你踢到大沙漠
说 说你不爱我
Woo..
It's almost as if that's a solution.. Much as i like the groove and unplug feel of this song, the lyrics are actually depressing me for the bigger part of the time.
How about platonic friendship instead? It's probably the best way to for us to come clean to, keep everything under a comfortable status quo of what's going on now, and yet still different from average friends?
Ready? Here goes.
How often is it that songs accurately describe your current situation? That's why I'm into music. It's more than juz a couple of nicely put together words and tunes to give pleasure. It is meaningful, and at times, incredibly emphatic. It's like a painting; It speaks a thousand words, beyond the lyrics itself.
There's a song that describe my scenario right now. I haven't been paying close attention to it's lyrics, until lately. Yep. The MTV oso pretty much reflects mostly wad's going on.
張智成 - 暗戀
我們就站在落地窗的兩邊
就算觸碰也有了界限
如果跨越過彼此那道邊界
是靠近還是更遙遠
Kept telling myself not to stare, but eventually find my eyes kept coming back. Kept telling myself to maintain a reasonable distance, but somehow we get more and more stuck together with each day. Much as I'll like to confess the truth, but i know that both of us are actually relying on this rather grey area to avoid having to come to a clean conclusion, so that things will maintain as comfortable as it is now. As like the chorus of the song above: "如果跨越過彼此那道邊界, 是靠近還是更遙遠". We will lose something either way, if we ever decide to talk about it. And I dun think that it's a great idea for me to be a couple breaker...
I was introduced this song by this person too:
AT17 - 星星
为什么没有星星的夜晚
你总不在我身旁
为什么满天星星的夜晚
你就告诉我你不想
留在那里
噢...一分半秒
噢...告诉我你不再爱我有多难
说 说你不爱我
我不会把你踢到大沙漠
说 说你不爱我
Woo..
It's almost as if that's a solution.. Much as i like the groove and unplug feel of this song, the lyrics are actually depressing me for the bigger part of the time.
How about platonic friendship instead? It's probably the best way to for us to come clean to, keep everything under a comfortable status quo of what's going on now, and yet still different from average friends?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Masquerade
It was a decent Halloween party on Fri. So was Shabu Shabu on Sat. And badminton today. It has been years since I last blew a b'day candle too, since my parents doesn't have the habit of celebrating b'day (though strangely they would want me to wish some other ppl who they are close happy b'day) to and my close friends usually have the culture of going for eatouts than a formal b'day cake (which either way i'm equally grateful of). I was also getting an influx of good wishes via hp and facebook. This was something rather unusually in the past, but then again, I wasn't all that sociable prior to army and uni life. Which brings me to reflect on a little something: Mask.
I'm not sure how many people heard this song Masquerade from Phantom of the Opera. Here's a short extract from the lyrics:
Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!
Masquerade!
Every face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -
there's another
mask behind you!
I used to be rather critical about people wearing a "mask" or hiding the truth, to the point that I get rather inquisitive, blatant and perhaps self-righteous. But I realised I've changed over the years. Perhaps it's cos I'm getting old and no longer that hot-blooded. I began to appreciate the need of putting on a "mask" at times, as a means of managing relationships with people. Everyone needs to have some kinda of a filter from the outside world, so that they dun get hurt that easily. Everyone probably have many layers of mask, but the more they are themselves to others, the more layers of "mask" they remove. The level of trust and reliant increases, with the severity of the pain should that trust be broken.
I think I've a rather thin layer of mask, considering I'm actually delving into this on a public blog. Maybe I'm a high risk taker when it comes to relationships with people? You don't wear a glove to shake hands with others, unless there's some strange medical/cultural reasons. The touch. Skin contacts are always good. Warm to the touch. Not plastic. It differentiate real person from ghosts or robots. Comparing this to wearing a "mask", it's of the same equivalent. It's more likely to get hurt, but someone have to take off their "mask" 1st before the other party can trust.
Putting on some "mask" isn't a bad thing though. It prevents relationships from deteriorating too fast, if they are not connected quick enough. Some people dun click with others immediate, so will take time. But not taking it off over time will result in a bottleneck in relationship. Nothing moves forward. Too overprotective of self will suffocate oneself. It's no wonder that people actually experience loneliness even though they live in big cities that have good communication infrastructures and transportation.
I'm not sure how many people heard this song Masquerade from Phantom of the Opera. Here's a short extract from the lyrics:
Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!
Masquerade!
Every face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -
there's another
mask behind you!
I used to be rather critical about people wearing a "mask" or hiding the truth, to the point that I get rather inquisitive, blatant and perhaps self-righteous. But I realised I've changed over the years. Perhaps it's cos I'm getting old and no longer that hot-blooded. I began to appreciate the need of putting on a "mask" at times, as a means of managing relationships with people. Everyone needs to have some kinda of a filter from the outside world, so that they dun get hurt that easily. Everyone probably have many layers of mask, but the more they are themselves to others, the more layers of "mask" they remove. The level of trust and reliant increases, with the severity of the pain should that trust be broken.
I think I've a rather thin layer of mask, considering I'm actually delving into this on a public blog. Maybe I'm a high risk taker when it comes to relationships with people? You don't wear a glove to shake hands with others, unless there's some strange medical/cultural reasons. The touch. Skin contacts are always good. Warm to the touch. Not plastic. It differentiate real person from ghosts or robots. Comparing this to wearing a "mask", it's of the same equivalent. It's more likely to get hurt, but someone have to take off their "mask" 1st before the other party can trust.
Putting on some "mask" isn't a bad thing though. It prevents relationships from deteriorating too fast, if they are not connected quick enough. Some people dun click with others immediate, so will take time. But not taking it off over time will result in a bottleneck in relationship. Nothing moves forward. Too overprotective of self will suffocate oneself. It's no wonder that people actually experience loneliness even though they live in big cities that have good communication infrastructures and transportation.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Restless
Came back from sch quite early today, but didn't step through the door. Saw the windows still open, so i figured probably my mom is still home. I kinda prefer to be alone when i'm back home, for a particular reason. Usually I would have juz step through the door, but today i'm abit tired to get home. So ended up wandering around my area alone, without any aim.
Was headed for Liang's Court. Along the way, passed through Subordinate Court and Juvenile Court. Saw an art figurine erected outside the juvenile court that portrays a family. I thought it's kinda lame. The cold, stone piece of "art" couldn't really portray family warmth, esp when it's placed outside a Juvenile Court.
Then bypassed MOM and reached boat quay. Walked thru the shophouses by the river. The scenery is good, and it's strange how gentle wind always visit the riverside, amongst scenery. I thought I'll walk by Futures, Zouk or some popular clubs that people around my age goes. Might be good to know their exact location, even if i don't go clubbing. Well, I didn't really find them in the end. So juz headed on to Liang's Court.
I noticed alot of Japanese products sold at Liang's Court. Last time I went, there was some heavy renovations. Now most of the stuffs are up and running, but the lack of crowd makes one wonder if the storeowners there actually have to do money laundering to earn a living. Anyway, I was looking for somewhere that sells European Boardgames cheaply there, which I heard from my ex-colleague. Strangely, I don't find it there. So I had to return empty-handed.
On the way back, I thought I'll take a walk pass OneSeven, a gay spa that a friend told me about damn long ago. The last time i walked by with my friend many years ago, we were like spotting some really bo liao people sitting across the road, commenting and laughing away as they watch some guys goes in and out of the spa centre at night. I thought it's kinda annoying that there are such discriminating people around in the world. Yet, it's equally saddening that these gays actually frequent these spas, largely in mind of looking for a one-night stand... or at least, that's the story I heard about of these gay spas from Internet and some gay friends. Anyway, I did see a guy walking out of the door. The outside doesn't even catch the eyes. Bored, I went over to the opposite street where there's a SAFRA branch.
The outside looks somewhat more interesting, with posters of some WOW competitions and stuffs. I didn't go in either. Doesn't look like anyone goes there, since it's so deserted. With that, I walked further down to Chinatown Point, bought a cup of The Ultimate ice-blended mocha from the CoffeeBean there (which I've been resisting to get, since i saw a frap equivalent at Starbucks earlier at Liang's Court). That concludes me wandering around today, and it took only slightly more than an hr, which I assume any Dragon year ppl would chastize me wasting so much time that could be used for studying.
Sometimes, I kinda wish I'm juz like everyone else, and stop thinking too much. Be more easily pleased by being around the opposite sexes, or go shopping, go clubbing, craptalks, etc. At least, most of my peers seems to be enjoying these. But I guess I don't fit very well into all these. I'm more likely to drown myself out in music and philosophizing, like what I'm doing now. Trying to find some meanings for what I'm doing now.
Shrug. I think I'm starting to sound like I'm going through some mid-life crisis, which i'm trying to avoid in this blog. Think will stop here.
Was headed for Liang's Court. Along the way, passed through Subordinate Court and Juvenile Court. Saw an art figurine erected outside the juvenile court that portrays a family. I thought it's kinda lame. The cold, stone piece of "art" couldn't really portray family warmth, esp when it's placed outside a Juvenile Court.
Then bypassed MOM and reached boat quay. Walked thru the shophouses by the river. The scenery is good, and it's strange how gentle wind always visit the riverside, amongst scenery. I thought I'll walk by Futures, Zouk or some popular clubs that people around my age goes. Might be good to know their exact location, even if i don't go clubbing. Well, I didn't really find them in the end. So juz headed on to Liang's Court.
I noticed alot of Japanese products sold at Liang's Court. Last time I went, there was some heavy renovations. Now most of the stuffs are up and running, but the lack of crowd makes one wonder if the storeowners there actually have to do money laundering to earn a living. Anyway, I was looking for somewhere that sells European Boardgames cheaply there, which I heard from my ex-colleague. Strangely, I don't find it there. So I had to return empty-handed.
On the way back, I thought I'll take a walk pass OneSeven, a gay spa that a friend told me about damn long ago. The last time i walked by with my friend many years ago, we were like spotting some really bo liao people sitting across the road, commenting and laughing away as they watch some guys goes in and out of the spa centre at night. I thought it's kinda annoying that there are such discriminating people around in the world. Yet, it's equally saddening that these gays actually frequent these spas, largely in mind of looking for a one-night stand... or at least, that's the story I heard about of these gay spas from Internet and some gay friends. Anyway, I did see a guy walking out of the door. The outside doesn't even catch the eyes. Bored, I went over to the opposite street where there's a SAFRA branch.
The outside looks somewhat more interesting, with posters of some WOW competitions and stuffs. I didn't go in either. Doesn't look like anyone goes there, since it's so deserted. With that, I walked further down to Chinatown Point, bought a cup of The Ultimate ice-blended mocha from the CoffeeBean there (which I've been resisting to get, since i saw a frap equivalent at Starbucks earlier at Liang's Court). That concludes me wandering around today, and it took only slightly more than an hr, which I assume any Dragon year ppl would chastize me wasting so much time that could be used for studying.
Sometimes, I kinda wish I'm juz like everyone else, and stop thinking too much. Be more easily pleased by being around the opposite sexes, or go shopping, go clubbing, craptalks, etc. At least, most of my peers seems to be enjoying these. But I guess I don't fit very well into all these. I'm more likely to drown myself out in music and philosophizing, like what I'm doing now. Trying to find some meanings for what I'm doing now.
Shrug. I think I'm starting to sound like I'm going through some mid-life crisis, which i'm trying to avoid in this blog. Think will stop here.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Forbidden Love vs. Ever-changing Love
A couple of things goes through my mind today. What's worse? Forever waiting for a chance at forbidden love, or an entire lifetime of changing love partners?
I'm more of a victim of the former, so I know what it's like. Not intending to delve into my personal relationship stories, but it sometimes got me thinking about it, when i keep hearing stories from media/friends/etc about them having broke up with their bf/gf, or them into a new relationship again. The latter tends to have their cycle repeated again and again, until they are fortunately/unfortunately married, or they totally "give up" on relationships altogether when they are finally too old and ugly to fall in love at cup noodles speed.
Sometimes, I feel that it's so unfair that people can keep trying to find their happily ever after, while i need to think a million times over to landing my aim on someone, cos there's a high price to pay. But I can't exactly say I'm that envious of people who are free to love and end up changing their special someone on a monthly or yearly basis... sometimes even weekly basis.
So which is better?
I'll opt for forbidden love. Like I always answer my friends when they ask me why i finish up all the vegetables, soups and wad's not before the chicken chop, "Save the best for the last". At least, somehow I hope that there's another person who also made the same choice, and someday we'll meet. Beats having luxurious cup noodles everyday. But that's my opinion. If you have to be one, which would you be?
I'm more of a victim of the former, so I know what it's like. Not intending to delve into my personal relationship stories, but it sometimes got me thinking about it, when i keep hearing stories from media/friends/etc about them having broke up with their bf/gf, or them into a new relationship again. The latter tends to have their cycle repeated again and again, until they are fortunately/unfortunately married, or they totally "give up" on relationships altogether when they are finally too old and ugly to fall in love at cup noodles speed.
Sometimes, I feel that it's so unfair that people can keep trying to find their happily ever after, while i need to think a million times over to landing my aim on someone, cos there's a high price to pay. But I can't exactly say I'm that envious of people who are free to love and end up changing their special someone on a monthly or yearly basis... sometimes even weekly basis.
So which is better?
I'll opt for forbidden love. Like I always answer my friends when they ask me why i finish up all the vegetables, soups and wad's not before the chicken chop, "Save the best for the last". At least, somehow I hope that there's another person who also made the same choice, and someday we'll meet. Beats having luxurious cup noodles everyday. But that's my opinion. If you have to be one, which would you be?
Monday, October 19, 2009
I'm unusually inspired for the past 2 days, esp after watching one of the advertisements that someone posted on facebook.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8Qd7qeSd0Y
I probably watched this ad at least 20 times over since last night. Story's about the a deaf girl learning violin, and was looked down upon by her rich, snob peer. The piece played throughout the ad was Canon in D. Loved the part when the deaf street basker, her soulmate who earns a living via playing violin, gave her the advice: "Why do you have to be like the others? Music is a visible thing. Close your eyes and you'll see it." The last half of the ad was abit more dramatic, with her playing the violin, recalling all the hardships she went through, the breeze across a field of gold and... most commented, her hair flying all around her face. On the thought of it now, it's actually kinda funny, but I see it as an abstraction of the state of euphoria induced by music. Of cos, it all ended with a somewhat anti-climate "Pantene - You can shine too", though i'm thankful the wording was only for 3 seconds, and it doesn't feel like it's an ad very related to shampoo.
These days, I've been trying to get back to songwriting but somehow, no words would come out. If I try to force it out, it sounds kinda unsincere and awkward with the phrasing. I don't even get alot of melodies in my mind these days either. I still remember I used to be predominantly depressed many years back, but that was also when I got so much inspirations. Somewhere along the line, I wanna try to be more optimistic/happier, like everyone else, and that's when I stop to "feel" so much, that I guess I could say I'm now somewhat numb already. It's as if I've lost a painful part of myself, which actually I treasure. Something like addicted to pain. I dunno. Kinda hard to put into words.
Maybe will read back into some of my private blog entries and see if I can find some inspirations from past happenings. Or perhaps someone could gimme a pleasant surprise...?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8Qd7qeSd0Y
I probably watched this ad at least 20 times over since last night. Story's about the a deaf girl learning violin, and was looked down upon by her rich, snob peer. The piece played throughout the ad was Canon in D. Loved the part when the deaf street basker, her soulmate who earns a living via playing violin, gave her the advice: "Why do you have to be like the others? Music is a visible thing. Close your eyes and you'll see it." The last half of the ad was abit more dramatic, with her playing the violin, recalling all the hardships she went through, the breeze across a field of gold and... most commented, her hair flying all around her face. On the thought of it now, it's actually kinda funny, but I see it as an abstraction of the state of euphoria induced by music. Of cos, it all ended with a somewhat anti-climate "Pantene - You can shine too", though i'm thankful the wording was only for 3 seconds, and it doesn't feel like it's an ad very related to shampoo.
These days, I've been trying to get back to songwriting but somehow, no words would come out. If I try to force it out, it sounds kinda unsincere and awkward with the phrasing. I don't even get alot of melodies in my mind these days either. I still remember I used to be predominantly depressed many years back, but that was also when I got so much inspirations. Somewhere along the line, I wanna try to be more optimistic/happier, like everyone else, and that's when I stop to "feel" so much, that I guess I could say I'm now somewhat numb already. It's as if I've lost a painful part of myself, which actually I treasure. Something like addicted to pain. I dunno. Kinda hard to put into words.
Maybe will read back into some of my private blog entries and see if I can find some inspirations from past happenings. Or perhaps someone could gimme a pleasant surprise...?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Obligations
In the business world, there are alot of obligations: The economical obligations to stakeholders, the legal obligations to the local law, the social obligations to the customers, etc. Some are written black and white. Some are communicated verbally. And there are others that are intrinsic.
The latter is the one that's the most dangerous everyday social relationships. In courtship, people carries expectation for each other, expecting their partners to be absolutely faithful, binding and be able to understand them and be understanding and caring to each other. The slightest incident, or even just one party having a bad day could juz ruin a relationship, juz because the other party didn't feel cared, felt betrayed, etc. In family, parents have high expectations for their kids, sometimes it's for themselves, and other times it's for them or the whole family. Kids by nature already carry with them a burden they do not have an option to let go, unless they denounce their family. As for amongst friends, we form expectations of each other, like "A good friend is someone who is there for me whenever I need them, and will go through hot and cold together". But when their friend/s are weighed by their own burdens that they cannot fulfill these expectations, they'll see people in a different light.
Quite some time ago, one of my poly days friend kept in touch with me. Of the stuffs we spoke about, she recalled that I had a good friend during poly days. Strangely, I couldn't recall that, other than the fact that I've been mostly a loner before coming into university. She said that there's this other guy name KC, who hanged out with me most of the time. Then I remembered. He was someone whom I really trust alot. He was a gd friend, who would meet me up in sch whenever I'm free. Then, I couldn't remember was it during 2nd year or the final year, everyone was rushing projects. There was one of the evening in sch when I was really frustrated with all the hectic rushing of projects through several nights, project group meetups, missing members and whatever that was happening at home at that point of time. He asked me for help one week before one of the project datelines, when i haven't even completed mine too. He asked that when I've just finished my project meeting and it was like 7pm in the sch lab already. He sounded damn desperate at that point of time. But it didn't got into me, cos i was overwhelmed with my own problems. I rejected to help him. I felt I need a break, and I also admit to being abit selfish that I had this thought: "Why should I help you to score, when it's not like after that anyone or even you could help me with my own projects? I'm just as desperate as you!". It was a mistake. Since after that day, he didn't initiate to meet me up. When we meet each other along the common corridor, he would say hi, but he wouldn't even talk more already. The look in his eyes was totally different, like as if i've become another passerby along the streets, rather than that of a friend. And I never did explain myself to him. Till this day, there are times when I felt that I could have averted that had I just helped him. But it's just not fair... I had my burdens too at that point of time, and I'm supposed to lose this friend just cos' I'm at my capacity already! After all the final year project submissions, I only remembered managing to find an abandoned stairway to cry. Over the lost of a friend. Over the likelihood of failing my FYPs. Over not being able to withstand more stress than I can. It rained in the later afternoon that day, and i had abit of a drink too.
The reason why I'm blogging about this topic is because I sensed I'm about to lose yet another friend this way, but this time with her putting too expectations on me, just because I'm capable of, just as my ex-buddy during poly days. Scenarios are abit different now though. Even though strictly speaking she's not my buddy as comparable to my ex-buddy, but i never like having enemies or having bad bloods with people. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if it's really because she treats me as someone trustworthy, that she keeps asking me for help, or that I'm just a very reliable "tool". And truth is, I'm absolutely tired of everyone, friends and family putting their burdens onto me, just because they got no one else they can depend on. Expectations became obligations, and when i don't give them what they want, or fail to do it well, I'll take the blame. What am I? Batman, who has to face angry citizens even after saving Gotham City, filled with self-serving citizens? I am VERY angry now. What the hell am I supposed to do?
The latter is the one that's the most dangerous everyday social relationships. In courtship, people carries expectation for each other, expecting their partners to be absolutely faithful, binding and be able to understand them and be understanding and caring to each other. The slightest incident, or even just one party having a bad day could juz ruin a relationship, juz because the other party didn't feel cared, felt betrayed, etc. In family, parents have high expectations for their kids, sometimes it's for themselves, and other times it's for them or the whole family. Kids by nature already carry with them a burden they do not have an option to let go, unless they denounce their family. As for amongst friends, we form expectations of each other, like "A good friend is someone who is there for me whenever I need them, and will go through hot and cold together". But when their friend/s are weighed by their own burdens that they cannot fulfill these expectations, they'll see people in a different light.
Quite some time ago, one of my poly days friend kept in touch with me. Of the stuffs we spoke about, she recalled that I had a good friend during poly days. Strangely, I couldn't recall that, other than the fact that I've been mostly a loner before coming into university. She said that there's this other guy name KC, who hanged out with me most of the time. Then I remembered. He was someone whom I really trust alot. He was a gd friend, who would meet me up in sch whenever I'm free. Then, I couldn't remember was it during 2nd year or the final year, everyone was rushing projects. There was one of the evening in sch when I was really frustrated with all the hectic rushing of projects through several nights, project group meetups, missing members and whatever that was happening at home at that point of time. He asked me for help one week before one of the project datelines, when i haven't even completed mine too. He asked that when I've just finished my project meeting and it was like 7pm in the sch lab already. He sounded damn desperate at that point of time. But it didn't got into me, cos i was overwhelmed with my own problems. I rejected to help him. I felt I need a break, and I also admit to being abit selfish that I had this thought: "Why should I help you to score, when it's not like after that anyone or even you could help me with my own projects? I'm just as desperate as you!". It was a mistake. Since after that day, he didn't initiate to meet me up. When we meet each other along the common corridor, he would say hi, but he wouldn't even talk more already. The look in his eyes was totally different, like as if i've become another passerby along the streets, rather than that of a friend. And I never did explain myself to him. Till this day, there are times when I felt that I could have averted that had I just helped him. But it's just not fair... I had my burdens too at that point of time, and I'm supposed to lose this friend just cos' I'm at my capacity already! After all the final year project submissions, I only remembered managing to find an abandoned stairway to cry. Over the lost of a friend. Over the likelihood of failing my FYPs. Over not being able to withstand more stress than I can. It rained in the later afternoon that day, and i had abit of a drink too.
The reason why I'm blogging about this topic is because I sensed I'm about to lose yet another friend this way, but this time with her putting too expectations on me, just because I'm capable of, just as my ex-buddy during poly days. Scenarios are abit different now though. Even though strictly speaking she's not my buddy as comparable to my ex-buddy, but i never like having enemies or having bad bloods with people. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if it's really because she treats me as someone trustworthy, that she keeps asking me for help, or that I'm just a very reliable "tool". And truth is, I'm absolutely tired of everyone, friends and family putting their burdens onto me, just because they got no one else they can depend on. Expectations became obligations, and when i don't give them what they want, or fail to do it well, I'll take the blame. What am I? Batman, who has to face angry citizens even after saving Gotham City, filled with self-serving citizens? I am VERY angry now. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Burden of Proof
It is easy to be a bad guy, by simply not attempting to explain myself anymore and walking away. I'm tired of having to always bear the burden of proof... to prove myself innocent, or reason for what I do. Even more tired is when the reasons for my act are not meant for the ears, or that exposing them could result in much greater trouble.
My mood hasn't been quite right for the past 1 week plus. Probably being emotionally tired about being obliged to duties in my club, expecting stress since i'm also taking a law subject this year, as well as family commitment which there is no way I can speak to any third party about. All these are wearing me down at the same time.
Club-wise, as I mentioned before, I think I'm pushed it abit too much that now the other exco clubmates are taking much of my duties, albeit with seemingly less trust in me now. To be honest, I'm not actually doing alot anymore, esp since after the most recent club event finally started and on the run already. But I'm still trying to push any little duties away just because I'm sick of it. Either that, or I took it very reluctantly.
Family-wise, i never have a family that really listen to me. They usually just want an ear, and want me to understand them and do their biddings, and usually I would end up starting a quarrel which end up me doing their biddings anyway, just because they got no one better to depend on. I don't have a choice. I'm an only child. And who said that an only child is spoilt? Of late, they got me to commit into something that I could not choose to refuse, and it's time consuming cos it'll easily take 3 - 4 hrs every night. And no, I'm not to tell anyone what's that. Am I supposed to tell that to a bunch of clubmates excos, who strictly speaking, we're not on the term yet to even start talking about heart-to-heart very personal stuffs? I'm not obliged to reveal my family problems to them, although they are not obliged to take my explanation.
So what happen this time? I think I'll just stop explaining for myself... at least in front of anyone. I'll keep my rantings to my blog. Let me be the bad guy. Not like telling the truth and exposing other people's secret actually makes me a good person anyway.
Enough about me.
I read a news earlier on about this NUS guy who ejaculated on a PRC lady. Already posted my comments and analysis there, under the alias Q-Square:
http://temasekreview.com/2009/09/24/top-nus-grad-chong-weien-jailed-for-ejaculating-onto-china-national/comment-page-1/#comment-29009
Here's the court statement: http://lwb.lawnet.com.sg/legal/lgl/rss/subcourts/63869.html
I personally thought there are still doubtful points in the circumstance evidences and victim's statement. But actually just looking at the brainless comments people make, most ppl are all too keen to place the burden of proof upon those with past record. People don't even read up the court statements, and too keen to give negative comments. What the society currently is, is no different from the era of time when people burn Joan of Arc on the stake. I digressed a wee too far, but I don't meant to say the judge is being completely irrational, given that most of the environmental evidences are infavorable to the accused, although not exceedingly. I'm just commenting about the people who made brainless comments.
I hope I really could get a respite from all these turmoils in my life soon, although being alive for 24 years taught me otherwise...
My mood hasn't been quite right for the past 1 week plus. Probably being emotionally tired about being obliged to duties in my club, expecting stress since i'm also taking a law subject this year, as well as family commitment which there is no way I can speak to any third party about. All these are wearing me down at the same time.
Club-wise, as I mentioned before, I think I'm pushed it abit too much that now the other exco clubmates are taking much of my duties, albeit with seemingly less trust in me now. To be honest, I'm not actually doing alot anymore, esp since after the most recent club event finally started and on the run already. But I'm still trying to push any little duties away just because I'm sick of it. Either that, or I took it very reluctantly.
Family-wise, i never have a family that really listen to me. They usually just want an ear, and want me to understand them and do their biddings, and usually I would end up starting a quarrel which end up me doing their biddings anyway, just because they got no one better to depend on. I don't have a choice. I'm an only child. And who said that an only child is spoilt? Of late, they got me to commit into something that I could not choose to refuse, and it's time consuming cos it'll easily take 3 - 4 hrs every night. And no, I'm not to tell anyone what's that. Am I supposed to tell that to a bunch of clubmates excos, who strictly speaking, we're not on the term yet to even start talking about heart-to-heart very personal stuffs? I'm not obliged to reveal my family problems to them, although they are not obliged to take my explanation.
So what happen this time? I think I'll just stop explaining for myself... at least in front of anyone. I'll keep my rantings to my blog. Let me be the bad guy. Not like telling the truth and exposing other people's secret actually makes me a good person anyway.
Enough about me.
I read a news earlier on about this NUS guy who ejaculated on a PRC lady. Already posted my comments and analysis there, under the alias Q-Square:
http://temasekreview.com/2009/09/24/top-nus-grad-chong-weien-jailed-for-ejaculating-onto-china-national/comment-page-1/#comment-29009
Here's the court statement: http://lwb.lawnet.com.sg/legal/lgl/rss/subcourts/63869.html
I personally thought there are still doubtful points in the circumstance evidences and victim's statement. But actually just looking at the brainless comments people make, most ppl are all too keen to place the burden of proof upon those with past record. People don't even read up the court statements, and too keen to give negative comments. What the society currently is, is no different from the era of time when people burn Joan of Arc on the stake. I digressed a wee too far, but I don't meant to say the judge is being completely irrational, given that most of the environmental evidences are infavorable to the accused, although not exceedingly. I'm just commenting about the people who made brainless comments.
I hope I really could get a respite from all these turmoils in my life soon, although being alive for 24 years taught me otherwise...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Inspirations for new songs?
It's like... 6.51am in the morning, and I'm still awake since last night. I guess my biological clock was ruined since I've been having this cycle previously as a result of home commitments and club commitments. Sometimes, life don't give you a break, but I try not to break anyone else as a result of my own commitments. I think I'm pushing it abit too much when I'm making things difficult for some people by fussing about the amount of workload I have. But I can't help to worry that if things continue the way it is now, I wouldn't be able to cope with my studies... Not to mention I might not even be able to pay up for my third year studies... Need to earn as much as I can to offset the amount of financial support my parents need to give me...
My mom just woke up. Glad she finally slept well last night. And suddenly, she's in the mood for morning walk in the hillpark behind my house. Thought I'll accompany her so it's safer. So should be leaving home anytime now. Will be back for... sleep, after the walk. I'm in the mood to take a walk too. There's alot of things on my mind, but I think a morning walk is a good source of inspiration for songwriting. Haven't wrote a single piece in years. Maybe too much braincells died after exams, insomnia, army and the process of "growing up", that tunes no longer automatically appear in my mind anymore. My world has become so... disenchanted.
I've finished watching 仙剑奇侠传3 over a week ago. I seldom take note of the musics from Mainland China. Heard some good songs from there. This one touches me the most, since it reminds me of a past relationship many years ago that I have yet to completely let go off my mind:
郑中基 - 答应不爱你
My mom just woke up. Glad she finally slept well last night. And suddenly, she's in the mood for morning walk in the hillpark behind my house. Thought I'll accompany her so it's safer. So should be leaving home anytime now. Will be back for... sleep, after the walk. I'm in the mood to take a walk too. There's alot of things on my mind, but I think a morning walk is a good source of inspiration for songwriting. Haven't wrote a single piece in years. Maybe too much braincells died after exams, insomnia, army and the process of "growing up", that tunes no longer automatically appear in my mind anymore. My world has become so... disenchanted.
I've finished watching 仙剑奇侠传3 over a week ago. I seldom take note of the musics from Mainland China. Heard some good songs from there. This one touches me the most, since it reminds me of a past relationship many years ago that I have yet to completely let go off my mind:
郑中基 - 答应不爱你
明明爱很清晰 却又接受分离
我只剩失恋的权利
难过还来不及 爱早已融入呼吸
不存在的存在心底
虽然很努力 练习着忘记
我的心却还没答应可以放弃了你
真的对不起 答应了你不再爱你
我却还没答应我自己
明明爱很清晰 却要接受分离
我只剩失恋的权利
难过还来不及 就让爱融入空气
不存在的存在心底
说好要忘记 偏偏又想起
原来我的心还没有答应放弃了你
真的对不起 虽然曾经答应了你
我却还没答应我自己
却又如何真的不爱你
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Rantings
There's just too much commitments. Just can't breath. It's not helping when there are things which I can't say, or commitments which I don't get to let go off. Things are just... thrusted upon me, like i'm the only saint who can save the world.
7.03am. What kinda of person is awake through the night working at home? Just done with some commitment stuffs at home. I haven't slept since last night, and now i'm wide awake. Or maybe, i'm not even sure if i really have a fix sleeping time anymore. Actually, this has been my cycle for the past 1 week plus. Having a headache now. I surely don't mind a panadol overdose. To make things worse, my hp would ring juz when i'm going to fall asleep, only to be disturbed by trivia matters. Of course, I couldn't blame others since how many ppl actually slept at 7am in the morning and only awake at 6pm in the evening?
Mood: Bad.
Song in my mind at the moment: Elephant (Damien Rice)
Well this has got to die
I said, this has got to stop
This has got to lie down
With someone else on top
Well, you can keep me pinned
It's easier to tease
But you can't paint an elephant
Quite as good as she
And she may cry like a baby
And she may drive me Crazy
'Cause I am lately lonely
So why'd you have to lie?
I take it I'm your crutch
The pillow in your pillow case
Is easier to touch
And when you think you've sinned
Do you fall upon your knees?
Or d'you sit within your picture?
Do you still forget the breeze?
And she may rise, if I sing you down
And she may wisely cling to the ground
Cause I am lately, horny
So why would she take me thorny?
What's the point of this song? Or even singing?
You've already gone, why am I clinging?
Well I could throw it out, and I could live without
And I could do it all for you
I could be strong
Tell me if you want me to lie
'Cause this has got to die
I said, this has got to stop
This has got to lie down, down
With someone else on top
You can both keep me pinned
'Cause it's easier to tease
But you can't make me happy
Quite as good as me
Well you know that's a lie
7.03am. What kinda of person is awake through the night working at home? Just done with some commitment stuffs at home. I haven't slept since last night, and now i'm wide awake. Or maybe, i'm not even sure if i really have a fix sleeping time anymore. Actually, this has been my cycle for the past 1 week plus. Having a headache now. I surely don't mind a panadol overdose. To make things worse, my hp would ring juz when i'm going to fall asleep, only to be disturbed by trivia matters. Of course, I couldn't blame others since how many ppl actually slept at 7am in the morning and only awake at 6pm in the evening?
Mood: Bad.
Song in my mind at the moment: Elephant (Damien Rice)
Well this has got to die
I said, this has got to stop
This has got to lie down
With someone else on top
Well, you can keep me pinned
It's easier to tease
But you can't paint an elephant
Quite as good as she
And she may cry like a baby
And she may drive me Crazy
'Cause I am lately lonely
So why'd you have to lie?
I take it I'm your crutch
The pillow in your pillow case
Is easier to touch
And when you think you've sinned
Do you fall upon your knees?
Or d'you sit within your picture?
Do you still forget the breeze?
And she may rise, if I sing you down
And she may wisely cling to the ground
Cause I am lately, horny
So why would she take me thorny?
What's the point of this song? Or even singing?
You've already gone, why am I clinging?
Well I could throw it out, and I could live without
And I could do it all for you
I could be strong
Tell me if you want me to lie
'Cause this has got to die
I said, this has got to stop
This has got to lie down, down
With someone else on top
You can both keep me pinned
'Cause it's easier to tease
But you can't make me happy
Quite as good as me
Well you know that's a lie
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Power - A Double Edged Sword
Just came back from singing class today. Other than a few minor hiccups throughout the day due to inexperience, I think it still ended reasonably well.
Today, I feel like talking about power. Holding power is good. It gives you authority over matters, and whatever you say, people respect/forced to respect you because of your position. You can brag to all your friends that you're someone important somewhere now. And at the end of the whole thing, it also goes on paper so you can show off to your future employers.
But I never loved power, as contrast to most people these days. I've made it clear during my excos interview that I'm NOT interested in being exco, but i'm willing to help out in whichever way necessary. Somehow, that got me in. Nevermind that now. Anyway, with power comes responsibilities. Life starts to change for me. Suddenly, I've to start making decisions for things. Suddenly, I need to take initiatives to support the president in whichever ways possible. And due to added responsibilities, sometimes relationships between people become complex, to the point that some perceive it to look like a power play. And seriously, I don't enjoy myself at all because of all these human relations kinda complications.
This should not be the case. I think, people tends to misunderstand each other when they dunno each other well enough. It doesn't seems like alot of people understand the virtue of giving "the benefits of the doubt", and prefer to read things negatively. Or perhaps, humans are inheritantly pessimistic. Then people starts to do things that are in contrary to the bigger picture, whether they realise it or not. I'm trying my best to see what I can do to help resolve all these little conflicts and misunderstandings, before they gradually pile up into a pile of intangible mess over time, but eventually, people really need to change their attitudes... mutually.
I personally believed and I hoped, that everyone join singing club out of the passion for music, and that since everyone share the same interest, everyone should get along quite well. In chinese, there's this word called "知音人", means "someone who understands you", or directly translated as "someone who knows your music". Regardless of whether you're excos or seniors, performing or events, welcome to a home of music lovers. The excos are only holding a post so that they can be responsible for ensuring the smooth running of the club. It doesn't indicate superiority. And for the excos, I hope that while we are all pulled into all this adminstrative maelstorm, we don't forget that we are also still in this club because we love music, albeit we each might have different visions for how to advance the club.
At the end of the day, I wish that I can just tell everyone this openly, but I'll be naive to think that everything will work out well by everyone just reading this entry. People are more likely to take this entry negatively, rather than constructively. So I've said my one cent worth... (actually is worth less than that since this entry would amount to nothing eventually).
Today, I feel like talking about power. Holding power is good. It gives you authority over matters, and whatever you say, people respect/forced to respect you because of your position. You can brag to all your friends that you're someone important somewhere now. And at the end of the whole thing, it also goes on paper so you can show off to your future employers.
But I never loved power, as contrast to most people these days. I've made it clear during my excos interview that I'm NOT interested in being exco, but i'm willing to help out in whichever way necessary. Somehow, that got me in. Nevermind that now. Anyway, with power comes responsibilities. Life starts to change for me. Suddenly, I've to start making decisions for things. Suddenly, I need to take initiatives to support the president in whichever ways possible. And due to added responsibilities, sometimes relationships between people become complex, to the point that some perceive it to look like a power play. And seriously, I don't enjoy myself at all because of all these human relations kinda complications.
This should not be the case. I think, people tends to misunderstand each other when they dunno each other well enough. It doesn't seems like alot of people understand the virtue of giving "the benefits of the doubt", and prefer to read things negatively. Or perhaps, humans are inheritantly pessimistic. Then people starts to do things that are in contrary to the bigger picture, whether they realise it or not. I'm trying my best to see what I can do to help resolve all these little conflicts and misunderstandings, before they gradually pile up into a pile of intangible mess over time, but eventually, people really need to change their attitudes... mutually.
I personally believed and I hoped, that everyone join singing club out of the passion for music, and that since everyone share the same interest, everyone should get along quite well. In chinese, there's this word called "知音人", means "someone who understands you", or directly translated as "someone who knows your music". Regardless of whether you're excos or seniors, performing or events, welcome to a home of music lovers. The excos are only holding a post so that they can be responsible for ensuring the smooth running of the club. It doesn't indicate superiority. And for the excos, I hope that while we are all pulled into all this adminstrative maelstorm, we don't forget that we are also still in this club because we love music, albeit we each might have different visions for how to advance the club.
At the end of the day, I wish that I can just tell everyone this openly, but I'll be naive to think that everything will work out well by everyone just reading this entry. People are more likely to take this entry negatively, rather than constructively. So I've said my one cent worth... (actually is worth less than that since this entry would amount to nothing eventually).
Monday, August 17, 2009
1st entry
Hmm... This is the 3rd blog I've ever made. 1st blog was intended for close friends, 2nd for personal ranting. Thought I should have one that is at least open to public, for those who are keen to know more about me. Hmm... At least, it's somewhere that I plan to debate on controversial stuffs, and see if I could get some opinions. Controversial stuffs? Read on~
I was just reading abit about City Harvest Church. Been there before myself, at least for 2 of their functions. All the controversy surrounding them since their existence, as well as all the bad encounters with Christians have made me somewhat bitter about their religion, and some of their believers. For now, let's just focus on CHC. Hmm... Last I read off other webby and thinking about some friends from there, it seemed like after they attended CHC, they seemed especially driven towards earning money. Seemed like prosperity is their God-given blessing... Perhaps they are trying to proved they are those blessed by God, which explains their dilligence, or...? I'm not sure if someone whom I've known betrayed her passion for music for money/"God" did so for the same reason. It's kinda sad, really. I kept wanting to believe that people who can appreciate music ain't inheritantly that superficial, not to mention a wee despicable after a recent SMS...
I know of yet another friend, who was a rather misguided teen in his earlier teenagehood, until he went to CHC. I dunno him that long to know to what degree is that change, but apparently the "new" him that the rest of us have always known is always perceive as alittle strange... sometimes smiling to himself, and seemingly silly most of the time. Quite sometime ago, he even wanted to borrow a few hundred bucks from me to go into some MLM investments. I had my doubts though since he's sorta a good friend of mine during army days, I'm inclined to trust him. Eventually, my parents advised me against it. I haven't heard much from him since then.
Recent media coverage has also highlighted the topic of Christians from the same church (COOS) attempting to hijack a secular group (AWARE). That is not to mention that the key conspirator (or so it seems) is an MP, who's also from the same church. And strangely enough, the church's pastor attempt to claim that there was no attempt on the church itself to organise such a coup, even though their official website is very specific about being anti-homosexual practices. The issue of homosexualism would be discussed at a later date, I guess. Just sidetracking a little to show how misguided/unwise Christians have become, in the name of their God. It seems people have the tendency to speak of behalf, and even use God as their shield to cover for their own selfishness. I "applaud" at this level of despicability.
The bottomline? I try to stay neutral towards christians, despite my disagreement in their belief. At the end of the day, no one crosses the line, I'll stay on my own side of the line. Personally though, I feel that actions are more important than what each others' faith is. If the objective is to bring out the good in everyone and help each other out, why not? Still... If I'm the pastor of CHC, I rather be forking out the money to send Christians overseas on missions to aid people in third world countries and those hit by natural disasters, than spend it on lavish decorations and stage, etc. I did remember there's some particular statements about the church should not be built lavish, but I'm not a bible person to remember verse and the gospel it's from.
I've said my two-cents worth on this topic. I'm expecting some level of flaming should this blog go public and someone reads this. But I'll still like to make a disclaimer that it's not meant to be a sweeping statement. It's just these bigots and some disappointment from friends/family that I'm rather tired with Christianity in general.
After I've press the publish button, I'm lead to a confirmation webby with an ad on Scientology. One Bible, so many interpretation, and everyone's claiming they are right and following the Bible. I can't help but think that Present-Day Christianity Teachings are already merely just very personal perspective of the same bible. There claims to be no interpretation, but people still need some level of interpretation to apply them anyway, and will always do so in the way they think makes most sense to account for what they would like to believe the bible intends to teach.
I was just reading abit about City Harvest Church. Been there before myself, at least for 2 of their functions. All the controversy surrounding them since their existence, as well as all the bad encounters with Christians have made me somewhat bitter about their religion, and some of their believers. For now, let's just focus on CHC. Hmm... Last I read off other webby and thinking about some friends from there, it seemed like after they attended CHC, they seemed especially driven towards earning money. Seemed like prosperity is their God-given blessing... Perhaps they are trying to proved they are those blessed by God, which explains their dilligence, or...? I'm not sure if someone whom I've known betrayed her passion for music for money/"God" did so for the same reason. It's kinda sad, really. I kept wanting to believe that people who can appreciate music ain't inheritantly that superficial, not to mention a wee despicable after a recent SMS...
I know of yet another friend, who was a rather misguided teen in his earlier teenagehood, until he went to CHC. I dunno him that long to know to what degree is that change, but apparently the "new" him that the rest of us have always known is always perceive as alittle strange... sometimes smiling to himself, and seemingly silly most of the time. Quite sometime ago, he even wanted to borrow a few hundred bucks from me to go into some MLM investments. I had my doubts though since he's sorta a good friend of mine during army days, I'm inclined to trust him. Eventually, my parents advised me against it. I haven't heard much from him since then.
Recent media coverage has also highlighted the topic of Christians from the same church (COOS) attempting to hijack a secular group (AWARE). That is not to mention that the key conspirator (or so it seems) is an MP, who's also from the same church. And strangely enough, the church's pastor attempt to claim that there was no attempt on the church itself to organise such a coup, even though their official website is very specific about being anti-homosexual practices. The issue of homosexualism would be discussed at a later date, I guess. Just sidetracking a little to show how misguided/unwise Christians have become, in the name of their God. It seems people have the tendency to speak of behalf, and even use God as their shield to cover for their own selfishness. I "applaud" at this level of despicability.
The bottomline? I try to stay neutral towards christians, despite my disagreement in their belief. At the end of the day, no one crosses the line, I'll stay on my own side of the line. Personally though, I feel that actions are more important than what each others' faith is. If the objective is to bring out the good in everyone and help each other out, why not? Still... If I'm the pastor of CHC, I rather be forking out the money to send Christians overseas on missions to aid people in third world countries and those hit by natural disasters, than spend it on lavish decorations and stage, etc. I did remember there's some particular statements about the church should not be built lavish, but I'm not a bible person to remember verse and the gospel it's from.
I've said my two-cents worth on this topic. I'm expecting some level of flaming should this blog go public and someone reads this. But I'll still like to make a disclaimer that it's not meant to be a sweeping statement. It's just these bigots and some disappointment from friends/family that I'm rather tired with Christianity in general.
After I've press the publish button, I'm lead to a confirmation webby with an ad on Scientology. One Bible, so many interpretation, and everyone's claiming they are right and following the Bible. I can't help but think that Present-Day Christianity Teachings are already merely just very personal perspective of the same bible. There claims to be no interpretation, but people still need some level of interpretation to apply them anyway, and will always do so in the way they think makes most sense to account for what they would like to believe the bible intends to teach.
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