3 hours ago, it was 1.30am, and I had a sudden craving for meepok from under my flat. I'm really growing fat these days.
Most of the time, I tend to be less than enthusiastic about doing my best, because I know that effort does not equates success, and most people are quick to judge by being result-oriented. Why work too hard and in the end not to be recognised? Perhaps that's why I don't find any motivation at the moment to sprint for exams. Kinda lost my fire. Even if I start hitting the books now, it's only cos I'm stressed at my peers already doing so.
I need to affirm my existence, but I don't wanna struggle doing so.
Sounds chim? Someone i know said something right: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." It is easier to obfuscate my cowardice behind words and philosophy, than to fight for something out of reach...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Short-circuit
Spent most of the day studying law today. Actually, i studied till daybreak 8am this morning. Woke up at 4pm in afternoon. Feeling like crap now. Was jio for group study by singing club friends but end up didn't meet them, cos i thought i could go faster while at home. Turn out i'm not any much faster but doubly bored. Should have taken it easy like most others since this is just prelims. Oh well...
Anyway, couldn't finish it. Darn too much to memorise. I'm giving up. I'll take a break.
Anyway, couldn't finish it. Darn too much to memorise. I'm giving up. I'll take a break.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Mug Mug Mug
Tis' graveyard hour at 3:30am. Within 30mins, it'll be the start of my normal sleep hour, but I doubt I'll get to sleep tonight.
Been compiling and reading summaries of each case law one by one for 7 hrs already... Hopefully I can finished at least half of it tonight. Paper's on coming thursday. Damn the British and their colonial era's doctrine of precedence! If legal principles are correctly applied, then all similar cases would arrive at the same rulings, no? And that would make memorising past key cases as being unnecessarily. Human brains are limited, which is why we have references and computers.
Not too long ago while I was at an OG-mate's home for post-CNY reunion, I saw the group picture that all of us took together. Wondered where mom kept it. Ended up finding them in my drawer covered with dust. Just cleaned it and set it on my desk. Serves as good motivation. Brings back good memories. Regrettably, I kinda distanced from them since the start of year 2, cos i don't share the same timetable with all of them. I guess that's life. Close friends are made and lost with the passage of time, because everyone might be on a different path. But of course, how good we are at socialising also plays a part, and I confess to being rather poor at that...
Which path am I going to? I don't fear the future, but it's always full of regrets. If only we could capture the moments and store it for eternity like what photography does...
Been compiling and reading summaries of each case law one by one for 7 hrs already... Hopefully I can finished at least half of it tonight. Paper's on coming thursday. Damn the British and their colonial era's doctrine of precedence! If legal principles are correctly applied, then all similar cases would arrive at the same rulings, no? And that would make memorising past key cases as being unnecessarily. Human brains are limited, which is why we have references and computers.
Not too long ago while I was at an OG-mate's home for post-CNY reunion, I saw the group picture that all of us took together. Wondered where mom kept it. Ended up finding them in my drawer covered with dust. Just cleaned it and set it on my desk. Serves as good motivation. Brings back good memories. Regrettably, I kinda distanced from them since the start of year 2, cos i don't share the same timetable with all of them. I guess that's life. Close friends are made and lost with the passage of time, because everyone might be on a different path. But of course, how good we are at socialising also plays a part, and I confess to being rather poor at that...
Which path am I going to? I don't fear the future, but it's always full of regrets. If only we could capture the moments and store it for eternity like what photography does...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Choice & Lethargic
It's not fair, why others can hold happiness in their own hands, if they choose to, while I can't even choose to hold someone's hands. "To have", is not a luxury. It's "CHOOSE to have" that is a luxury.
So lethargic. Don't feel like studying. Don't feel like playing. Don't feel like anything. And it's not helping that prelims is on this month. Maybe I really need motivation, but what's the source of motivation?
So lethargic. Don't feel like studying. Don't feel like playing. Don't feel like anything. And it's not helping that prelims is on this month. Maybe I really need motivation, but what's the source of motivation?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Too sensitive?
It's not quite the thing that I'm inclined to talk about on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year. I hope I'm just being too sensitive these days.
Been getting the feeling that people are reacting rather negatively to things I've said. It feels as if there's some kinda of shared hidden consensus... an agreement that I'm a condemned person. Relationships start to drift. People who still appears friendly tends to snap back doubly hard over casual comments I've made. And I kept trying to 2nd guess myself. Perhaps I'm really thinking too much. There are some people whom I expected them to trust me to be better than what they claimed. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Or perhaps, people dunno me enough just cos I don't hang out with them often?
Much as I would like to start grabbing someone and "interrogate" what exactly is going on (if any), I would rather focus my time on prelims. I can't really stop people from thinking badly of me, if I'm clear of my conscience. I may be blatant, but I'm never malicious. And so, at least blogging here lets me defend myself and I'll rest my case. Doesn't really matter if no one reads this. This place is a garbage bin to deposit stuffs, so that life can go on.
Been getting the feeling that people are reacting rather negatively to things I've said. It feels as if there's some kinda of shared hidden consensus... an agreement that I'm a condemned person. Relationships start to drift. People who still appears friendly tends to snap back doubly hard over casual comments I've made. And I kept trying to 2nd guess myself. Perhaps I'm really thinking too much. There are some people whom I expected them to trust me to be better than what they claimed. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Or perhaps, people dunno me enough just cos I don't hang out with them often?
Much as I would like to start grabbing someone and "interrogate" what exactly is going on (if any), I would rather focus my time on prelims. I can't really stop people from thinking badly of me, if I'm clear of my conscience. I may be blatant, but I'm never malicious. And so, at least blogging here lets me defend myself and I'll rest my case. Doesn't really matter if no one reads this. This place is a garbage bin to deposit stuffs, so that life can go on.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Aloof
Has been abt 3 weeks since I last blog. A good number of miscellaneous things happened and it has been in the passing. Nothing really worth particular mention. Perhaps that's why it's rather depressing, actually. Somehow, the grass always looks greener on the other side; everyone else seems to be living more interesting lives than me.
These days, I've been thinking alot about myself. No. I'm not narcissistic. I'm just thinking about my image. As a singing club active member, we've been trained to be... shall i use the word "shameless"? Ironically, this "shameless" is achieved via sincerity, a desire to act as someone whom i really would want to be, even though the act may sucks. In school, there are some group of friends who know about me more than they need to, and mostly alot who doesn't really know me much. But whichever side it is, it seems that the social bridgings on both sides seems to be slowly eroding away. It's like friends have slowly become acquaintances, but not like through some sorta betrayal or fallout with each other. Everyone becomes some kinda familiar strangers. A good friend of mine quote an accurate word that aptly describes me (although he intended it for someone else).
"Aloof"
Sometimes, I wish that things between people are abit easier. I wish people could juz hold my hands and guide me what am I supposed to do to maintain all these. But I guess everyone learns it the hard way... trial and error. Some people are naturally lucky to be blessed with a silver tongue, while others are... inherently "aloof" but am trying to do something about it.
These days, I've been thinking alot about myself. No. I'm not narcissistic. I'm just thinking about my image. As a singing club active member, we've been trained to be... shall i use the word "shameless"? Ironically, this "shameless" is achieved via sincerity, a desire to act as someone whom i really would want to be, even though the act may sucks. In school, there are some group of friends who know about me more than they need to, and mostly alot who doesn't really know me much. But whichever side it is, it seems that the social bridgings on both sides seems to be slowly eroding away. It's like friends have slowly become acquaintances, but not like through some sorta betrayal or fallout with each other. Everyone becomes some kinda familiar strangers. A good friend of mine quote an accurate word that aptly describes me (although he intended it for someone else).
"Aloof"
Sometimes, I wish that things between people are abit easier. I wish people could juz hold my hands and guide me what am I supposed to do to maintain all these. But I guess everyone learns it the hard way... trial and error. Some people are naturally lucky to be blessed with a silver tongue, while others are... inherently "aloof" but am trying to do something about it.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010
Happy New Year, 2010.
There's this saying: At 1:11am/pm, if you're thinking of someone, someone would also be thinking of you.
I wasn't thinking of anyone. And haven't been able to think of someone at 1.11am/pm for years already.
I was angry, and went out for a walk for an hr plus. Fireworks and cheers and colorful lights when the new year transcends. But I'm juz a shadow under a rainbow bridge.
Who knows what face hide beneath the masquerade mask?
There's this saying: At 1:11am/pm, if you're thinking of someone, someone would also be thinking of you.
I wasn't thinking of anyone. And haven't been able to think of someone at 1.11am/pm for years already.
I was angry, and went out for a walk for an hr plus. Fireworks and cheers and colorful lights when the new year transcends. But I'm juz a shadow under a rainbow bridge.
Who knows what face hide beneath the masquerade mask?
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