Sunday, November 29, 2009

Hallelujah

A deceiving title that makes it sounds as though it's some praise to the Christian God. Carefully reading the title reveals otherwise. No insults intended in the lyrics, but more like a lamentation to the praise term "Hallelujah". Almost always listen to this song at night in front of the com, and rest my head on the desk, when i'm having a bad day.

Hallelujah

I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .

Baby i've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a god above
But all i've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

It's hard to praise anything above your head, when fate makes you a prime number; an unbreakable cold prison of solitude; a weapon that needs to be locked up in some forgotten dungeon so it can't harm anyone.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

It will rain through the night.

Friday, November 27, 2009

The Songs

I'm going to think aloud for this entry... as a disclaimer to any consequences from someone mentioned here, whom I think might read this entry.

Ready? Here goes.

How often is it that songs accurately describe your current situation? That's why I'm into music. It's more than juz a couple of nicely put together words and tunes to give pleasure. It is meaningful, and at times, incredibly emphatic. It's like a painting; It speaks a thousand words, beyond the lyrics itself.

There's a song that describe my scenario right now. I haven't been paying close attention to it's lyrics, until lately. Yep. The MTV oso pretty much reflects mostly wad's going on.

張智成 - 暗戀

我們就站在落地窗的兩邊
就算觸碰也有了界限
如果跨越過彼此那道邊界
是靠近還是更遙遠

Kept telling myself not to stare, but eventually find my eyes kept coming back. Kept telling myself to maintain a reasonable distance, but somehow we get more and more stuck together with each day. Much as I'll like to confess the truth, but i know that both of us are actually relying on this rather grey area to avoid having to come to a clean conclusion, so that things will maintain as comfortable as it is now. As like the chorus of the song above: "如果跨越過彼此那道邊界, 是靠近還是更遙遠". We will lose something either way, if we ever decide to talk about it. And I dun think that it's a great idea for me to be a couple breaker...

I was introduced this song by this person too:

AT17 - 星星


为什么没有星星的夜晚
你总不在我身旁
为什么满天星星的夜晚
你就告诉我你不想
留在那里
噢...一分半秒
噢...告诉我你不再爱我有多难
说 说你不爱我
我不会把你踢到大沙漠
说 说你不爱我
Woo..

It's almost as if that's a solution.. Much as i like the groove and unplug feel of this song, the lyrics are actually depressing me for the bigger part of the time.

How about platonic friendship instead? It's probably the best way to for us to come clean to, keep everything under a comfortable status quo of what's going on now, and yet still different from average friends?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

It is difficult to reconcile the dilemma of taking the risk of a love confession: Either to lose a friend, or getting a chance of finding "The One". But I should have learnt not to carry too high a hope after numerous disastrous confessions...

Monday, November 2, 2009

Masquerade

It was a decent Halloween party on Fri. So was Shabu Shabu on Sat. And badminton today. It has been years since I last blew a b'day candle too, since my parents doesn't have the habit of celebrating b'day (though strangely they would want me to wish some other ppl who they are close happy b'day) to and my close friends usually have the culture of going for eatouts than a formal b'day cake (which either way i'm equally grateful of). I was also getting an influx of good wishes via hp and facebook. This was something rather unusually in the past, but then again, I wasn't all that sociable prior to army and uni life. Which brings me to reflect on a little something: Mask.

I'm not sure how many people heard this song Masquerade from Phantom of the Opera. Here's a short extract from the lyrics:

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!
Masquerade!
Every face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -
there's another
mask behind you!


I used to be rather critical about people wearing a "mask" or hiding the truth, to the point that I get rather inquisitive, blatant and perhaps self-righteous. But I realised I've changed over the years. Perhaps it's cos I'm getting old and no longer that hot-blooded. I began to appreciate the need of putting on a "mask" at times, as a means of managing relationships with people. Everyone needs to have some kinda of a filter from the outside world, so that they dun get hurt that easily. Everyone probably have many layers of mask, but the more they are themselves to others, the more layers of "mask" they remove. The level of trust and reliant increases, with the severity of the pain should that trust be broken.

I think I've a rather thin layer of mask, considering I'm actually delving into this on a public blog. Maybe I'm a high risk taker when it comes to relationships with people? You don't wear a glove to shake hands with others, unless there's some strange medical/cultural reasons. The touch. Skin contacts are always good. Warm to the touch. Not plastic. It differentiate real person from ghosts or robots. Comparing this to wearing a "mask", it's of the same equivalent. It's more likely to get hurt, but someone have to take off their "mask" 1st before the other party can trust.

Putting on some "mask" isn't a bad thing though. It prevents relationships from deteriorating too fast, if they are not connected quick enough. Some people dun click with others immediate, so will take time. But not taking it off over time will result in a bottleneck in relationship. Nothing moves forward. Too overprotective of self will suffocate oneself. It's no wonder that people actually experience loneliness even though they live in big cities that have good communication infrastructures and transportation.