Fatalistic

3 hours ago, it was 1.30am, and I had a sudden craving for meepok from under my flat. I'm really growing fat these days.

Most of the time, I tend to be less than enthusiastic about doing my best, because I know that effort does not equates success, and most people are quick to judge by being result-oriented. Why work too hard and in the end not to be recognised? Perhaps that's why I don't find any motivation at the moment to sprint for exams. Kinda lost my fire. Even if I start hitting the books now, it's only cos I'm stressed at my peers already doing so.

I need to affirm my existence, but I don't wanna struggle doing so.

Sounds chim? Someone i know said something right: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." It is easier to obfuscate my cowardice behind words and philosophy, than to fight for something out of reach...

Short-circuit

Spent most of the day studying law today. Actually, i studied till daybreak 8am this morning. Woke up at 4pm in afternoon. Feeling like crap now. Was jio for group study by singing club friends but end up didn't meet them, cos i thought i could go faster while at home. Turn out i'm not any much faster but doubly bored. Should have taken it easy like most others since this is just prelims. Oh well...

Anyway, couldn't finish it. Darn too much to memorise. I'm giving up. I'll take a break.

Mug Mug Mug

Tis' graveyard hour at 3:30am. Within 30mins, it'll be the start of my normal sleep hour, but I doubt I'll get to sleep tonight.

Been compiling and reading summaries of each case law one by one for 7 hrs already... Hopefully I can finished at least half of it tonight. Paper's on coming thursday. Damn the British and their colonial era's doctrine of precedence! If legal principles are correctly applied, then all similar cases would arrive at the same rulings, no? And that would make memorising past key cases as being unnecessarily. Human brains are limited, which is why we have references and computers.

Not too long ago while I was at an OG-mate's home for post-CNY reunion, I saw the group picture that all of us took together. Wondered where mom kept it. Ended up finding them in my drawer covered with dust. Just cleaned it and set it on my desk. Serves as good motivation. Brings back good memories. Regrettably, I kinda distanced from them since the start of year 2, cos i don't share the same timetable with all of them. I guess that's life. Close friends are made and lost with the passage of time, because everyone might be on a different path. But of course, how good we are at socialising also plays a part, and I confess to being rather poor at that...

Which path am I going to? I don't fear the future, but it's always full of regrets. If only we could capture the moments and store it for eternity like what photography does...

Choice & Lethargic

It's not fair, why others can hold happiness in their own hands, if they choose to, while I can't even choose to hold someone's hands. "To have", is not a luxury. It's "CHOOSE to have" that is a luxury.

So lethargic. Don't feel like studying. Don't feel like playing. Don't feel like anything. And it's not helping that prelims is on this month. Maybe I really need motivation, but what's the source of motivation?